THOSE TERRIBLE/TERRIFIC THREES

I remember when my older boys were going through the terrible 3 stage, talking to a great friend who gave me a new perspective. Someone had told her that when kids are saying no and demanding their independence that he reminded himself that those are the skills we want them to have when they are teens and their peers are pushing them to do stupid things. Independence and the ability to think for themselves. He called them the terrific threes. I'm having a hard time with AJ lately and have to keep reminding myself that I want my kids to think for themselves. I don't want them to do something just because I said so. Maybe it would be easier right now if they did but in the long run... If they don't think for themselves now, when will they get the practice? Maybe some people think they are disresectful that they ask why sometimes or they don't jump immediately when I tell them to do something. Ryan used to get really upset about it too, until I explained that if they are always being told to do something and never get the chance to make some decisions on their own, how will they learn to be adults? Who's going to be giving them orders when I'm not there? So now when AJ is telling me he is not going to let me into his room ever again because we are leaving the park, I'm reminding myself that he is learning to be independent and just expressing his frustation with not being in control of the situation, but we are still leaving. Yesterday when Jake didn't want to get ready for football because he thought he was going to be switching teams instead, I asked why does he have to argue with me. Ryan answered, "you are the one who wants them to think for themselves." Apparently it's working. Now if I can just out last Levi whom I am starting to see terrific 3 behavior from.